Avoidable Wedding Disasters

Let’s face it, it’s easy to get carried away, there are so many choices to be made and often it’s the smaller purchases, the favours, the decorations, the candy bar, or stationery that can end in a blow out.

Set a realistic budget and have a talk early on as a couple about your “deal breakers”, what you really want to pull out all the stops on.

2. My friend is….going to take photos at my wedding:

The amateur photographer:

As a celebrant there is a huge difference between officiating at a wedding where a professional photographer is documenting the event and those where the photographer is an enthusiastic amateur.

Usually the first difference is I am totally unaware of the professional at work, they are unobtrusive and make the best use of their equipment to get in close. The amateur on the other hand is in my face, standing in front of guests and asking for the kiss / ring exchange / signing to be repeated so they can capture it.

Chatting to couples after their wedding, often the biggest regret is that their friend the amateur photographer has missed shots or the quality of shots taken are not great, an amateur will not have the quality equipment that are a professional’s tools of trade.

If you hire an amateur for your wedding, expect an amateur result!

3. My friend is …….going to qualify as a celebrant and officiate at my wedding:

My pet peeve! I understand that often couples don’t appreciate the benefit of a professionally trained and experienced celebrant until after their wedding ceremony is over and they reflect on the great experience they have had.

However, the best celebrants will look after you during the planning process and will put you at your ease,they will manage both guests and the wedding party during your ceremony.

Your trained celebrant will ensure your close family are sitting where they will get the best view and are the first to congratulate you after your ceremony. They know where to stand and when to move to ensure they are not the centre of attention in your wedding photos or forcing you stand a distance from your partner. They will liaise with the venue’s event manager or your planner and your photographer to ensure your ceremony is seamless.

Perhaps a question to ask is, are you happy for your friend to practice their novice celebrant skills on your wedding?

4. Not listening to your Experienced Wedding Vendor

There has been a lot of hype about “wedding mark up” and often vendors are seen as money grabbing opportunists. The truth is vendors may charge more for a wedding because a wedding is more work than other events. Your wedding vendor makes themselves available for calls, consultations and planning meetings and may send dozens of emails back and forth with their clients before the event. Most of all they are committed to making your wedding a success, after all, their reputation depends on it.

Listen to your wedding vendor’s advice, they’ve been involved in hundreds of weddings and they know from experience what works and what doesn’t. Trust their knowledge and experience and draw on it.

5. Not considering your guests

Most weddings take place in the height of summer at a gorgeous outdoor venue. Remember whatever the weather conditions your guests will be out in them longer than you will.

If you have no shade, consider hiring umbrellas for your guests or suggesting they bring their own hats or umbrellas.

Make sure you have a “Plan B” in case of rain or an unseasonal cold snap and a way to communicate any changes to your guests.

If your ceremony site is a little hard to find include a map in your invitation or your wedding website or Facebook page.

6. Being late for your own wedding:

Keeping your guests waiting especially on a hot summer’s day, will not impress them. In addition a late bride means a late ceremony, a late reception, less time for post ceremony photos and over cooked or cold food.

Put together a run sheet to ensure your preparation before your ceremony is planned and everyone involved in your wedding party knows what has to be accomplished before that walk down the aisle.

It’s easy to avoid these potential disasters with good planning and making great choices. Your wedding professionals will be an invaluable source of advice and experience if you need clarification or guidance.

There are a number of reasons why couples choose to keep their wedding small.

Many have lived together for some time, they may have mortgages and children and while a wedding is an important next step in their relationship there may be budget constraints or they just may have decided they don’t want a traditional, elaborate and expensive affair.

Often it’s all about priorities. Couples who choose a very small wedding have made a conscious choice to invite people who are closest and important to them and whom they want to celebrate their day with. Often this choice has the benefit of freeing up budget for a really great photographer or sensational food and drink.

Katrina and Warwick’s motivation for sharing their wedding with 20 guests in August this year was a deliberate decision to share their wedding with those they truly cared about. They chose one of their favourite bistros in Point Chevalier, Twisted Tomato, the wedding ceremony was short but very personal and held against the backdrop of the brick interior of the restaurant. The couple greeted their guests with a glass of bubbly and they mixed and mingled before the ceremony started. Their guests felt very much part of the process.

Keith and Arvin’s end of August ceremony was, by necessity, a small affair. As a same sex couple they’d travelled to be married in New Zealad, They found a fabulous venue through Bookabach.co.nz with the aim of not only accommodating guests but also finding somewhere lovely for their ceremony. They settled on an apartment in Devonport which looked over the harbour to Auckland’s skyline – gorgeous! Kylin Image Photography were engaged to take both photos and video the occasion.

Millie and Troy have been together for a number of years and have a daughter together, marriage was an obvious next step. Neither of them felt comfortable about being in the limelight so they opted for fuss free simplicity shared with their closest family. They chose the Auckland Domain Rotunda for their wedding ceremonyvenue with it’s backdrop of mature trees and formal gardens and with the added bonus of unlimited photo opportunities for their wedding album!

I’m looking forward to three more restaurant weddings this year, a ceremony on a wharf on one on One Tree Hill, all small intimate and inclusive ceremonies.

As a celebrant I love working with couples and enjoy the privilege that is working at a variety of venues. But there is something really special about the “micro” wedding and the atmosphere it generates. Couples are relaxed, the guests are, by necessity, engaged in the process and as a celebrant, a very personal and relaxed ceremony is absolutely my favourite!

There are some great venues for a very small wedding in Auckland. Reinaldo and Carla chose the Herb Garden at the Auckland Botanic Gardens, other couples have married in my backyard and some have married in family’s backyards. Restaurants are often available to be booked on their quiet nights.

If you are planning a small, intimate wedding contact me to share some ideas about customising your ceremony for a small group and for ideas for venues which may capture your imagination.

A wedding rehearsal is often the first time the whole wedding party gets together before the wedding proper, no wonder some cultures use the excuse for a rehearsal dinner, a pre-wedding celebration.

But is a wedding rehearsal really necessary?

Yes, I believe it is.

The purpose of a rehearsal is to go through the logistics of your ceremony with the whole wedding party. We go over where to stand, how to move into the ceremony area and out of the ceremony area. Who will have the rings and how will they be handed over at that critical part of the ceremony. Who will give the signal that the bride is ready to walk. Where do the parents sit so they have the best view of their son or daughter’s face through out the ceremony?

Half to three quarters of an hour is time well spent in the peace of mind it will give you on your wedding day. Knowing what to expect, will reduce nerves and contribute to a relaxed, seamless and spectacular ceremony.

A rehearsal held around the same time as the actual ceremony will be held gives the opportunity to check that the sun will not be shining into either the wedding party’s or guests eyes.

In my opinion a rehearsal should where ever possible be held at the wedding venue. I know some celebrants will hold the rehearsal at their home – you will come away with the theory but, trust me, it’s not the same!

When you’re interviewing for celebrants why not check with them if they offer a rehearsal at your venue and whether they will charge extra for the privilege. It’s worth insisting on. I include a rehearsal at your venue in my quote for my wedding services.

Once you have a venue booked and your wedding date is “cast in stone” it’s time to begin the search for the perfect celebrant.

Where to start? A Google search will reveal a veritable plethora of celebrants all offering roughly the same service. But be assured, they are not all the same, there are those who are truly excellent and exceptional, and others who are mediocre and adequate or dire and dreadful. What’s more, price alone will not help your choice.

You want the perfect celebrant for you, one that will understand exactly what you want, will provide ideas and guidance, someone who you feel completely comfortable with and confident that they understand that your wedding ceremony is the central event of your whole wedding day and the event you have invited your nearest and dearest to witness.

How do you choose a celebrant?

Google is a good place to start, a tour of a celebrant’s website will give you an impression of who they are and what they do.

Consider phoning your short list of candidates asking some basic questions:

•  Are you available on my date?
•  Are you familiar with my venue?
•  What do you charge and what is included in that charge?

Follow up with a meeting with those who sound like they have potential and are both available and still on your short list.

Your first meeting is similar to a job interview so being prepared with some questions will  help you choose the right person for the “job” of celebrant on your wedding day.

Personality:

Not a question as such but you will get a good feel for whether you can work with this person at this first meeting and connecting with their personality will be important.

How many weddings do you do per year? How much experience do you have?

There are a lot of celebrants and the Department of Internal Affairs has recently relaxed entry qualifications for celebrants so there are more inexperienced and untrained celebrants advertising their services. It’s better to pay a bit more for experience and professionalism than have your ceremony spoilt by a celebrant who just doesn’t  know what he or she is doing.

How much do you charge?

Price is important as you are on a budget but the old adage of “you get what you pay for” carries some weight here. A great celebrant will be worth their fee and more as they know how to conduct a wedding ceremony and how to create a memorable ceremony and more importantly, how to look after you on the day.

Do you charge a deposit and, if so, how much?

How will we work together?

Does the celebrant provide resources, how many meetings will there be bfore your date?

Do you recommend a rehersal?

No rehearsal at your venue? I recommend you walk away and look for another celebrant! A run through the logistics of your ceremony at your venue is vital to ensure a stress free wedding ceremony.

How many ceremonies do you conduct on a day?

Some celebrants try and make the most of the wedding season by officiating at multiple ceremonies on the same day. You may be OK with this but be aware if the a ceremony runs late earlier in the day your celebrant may not be as prompt as you would like!

What is included in your fee?

Make sure you have a full understanding of what your celebrant will and will not do for you.

Are there any additional fees?

Some celebrants charge for travel outside their immediate area. Some charge an additional fee for a rehearsal. Make sure you clarify if the fee quoted is all inclusive or if some of the services you assume would be included are in fact an additional charge.

Have you had any training?

Celebrant training is not compulsory in New Zealand. The training available is excellent and those who have completed training have a very clear understanding of the obligations of the role and how to best translate your wishes for your wedding ceremony into a memorable ceremony. Likewise Celebrant Association membership brings with it adherence to professional standards and regular training opportunities.

Will you dress to my dress code and colour scheme?

Where do you stand during the ceremony?

Does the celebrant stand in between you and your partner for the whole ceremony? Will they move out of the way for the kiss so they’re not in that photo?

You will have other questions which come up during your meeting,  a celebrant should answer your questions openly and honestly both during this first meeting and at any time during your working relationship.

Planning your wedding doesn’t have to be stressful the trick is to have an organised plan,

Set a budget:

Whether you are paying for your wedding yourselves or getting assistance from family there is always a finite spend.

Set a realistic budget and have a talk early on as a couple about your “deal breakers”.

What is most important to you about your wedding day? Is it great food and wine at your reception? Perhaps it’s a gorgeous dress and decorations? Or an exotic honeymoon? Inviting all your extended family and friends to share your day? Perhaps it’s the investment in magnificent wedding photography.

Your “deal breakers” will determine how you choose to allocate funds.

Get organised:

Get written quotes and orders and start a wedding file. There are some fabulous wedding planning tools available free on line which can help guide you through the process of planning your wedding day.

Drop me a line at celebrantforyou.co.nz  and ask for my Wedding Budget Planner (obligation free), it’s a great tool which monitors your wedding budget as you add quotes and actual costs.

 The venue:

Deciding on a venue for the ceremony and reception is usually wedding planning step one. Many popular venues book out way in advance so often your choice of venue will in turn influence your choice of wedding date.

When choosing your venue there are some points to consider:

• Have a rough estimate of the number of guests you plan to invite; most venues have minimum and maximum numbers.
•  Do you want your ceremony and reception at the same venue?
• Does the venue charge a rental fee for the reception area in addition to catering costs or do they operate on a minimum spend on food and beverages?

Visit your short list of prospective venues; sometimes those gorgeous images on their website can be deceptive.

• Chat to the venue’s event planner, you need to have confidence in their ability to manage your event.
• Have a good look around, do they have a ceremony area options (including shelter for wet weather)? Are there opportunities for photographs?
• Ask for detail on menu options, maybe sample some of the food.
• Will the venue be decorated or will decorations be additional?
• Ask for references, are there any former wedding clients you can chat to about their experiences?

 Photographer:

• It’s easy to browse the web and see fabulous examples of photographer’s work or you may have been lucky enough to have seen a photographer in action that impressed you.
• Bridal forums may give you an idea of photographers other brides have used.
• Chat to your short list to determine what they offer. Most photographers will offer “packages” for a varying investment.
• If photographs of your day are one of your “deal breakers” then spend the time selecting a photographer whose style you admire.
• Make a list of wedding photographs you want on the day of your wedding, particularly photographs with family and friends.
• Ask how long after your wedding date you will receive edited proofs.
• Ask for and check references.

Celebrant:

I admit bias on this one but I can vouch for the fact that the best celebrants book up quickly. Don’t leave your choice until the last minute.

• Read my blog post on how to choose a celebrant.
• Choose someone who you are confident will guide you through your ceremony preparation and be there to guide and support you on the day, someone with whom    you feel comfortable.
• Your ceremony is the heart of your wedding day, the part of your day you have invited your family and friends to witness, don’t underestimate the importance of your choice of celebrant.

Once you have the main vendors selected then it’s time to focus on the detail, dresses, attendants, cake, invitations and decorations – the fun stuff!

Notes about outdoor ceremony venues:

In my experience most couples choose to hold their wedding ceremony at a gorgeous outdoor site.

• Given most weddings happen in the summer heat think about shade for your guests. This can be as simple as letting them know if shade is limited and recommending they bring a hat or umbrella or perhaps supplying some sunscreen.
• Try and be on time. Waiting in the heat for a prolonged period will result in fractious guests.
• Consider making water and juice available for your guests prior to the ceremony. Alcohol is probably best saved for celebrations afterwards!
• Make sure you have a “plan b” ceremony venue in case it rains and you have a means of communicating any changes to your guests.

Wedding planning tips:

•  The best wedding vendors will work hard on your behalf, they want your day to be successful every bit as much as you do. After all, their reputation is at stake. Sometimes penny pinching on key vendors will result in “you get what you pay for” disappointment.
• Pinterest has a wealth of ideas and better still, others have done the research for you! Anything from decorations to make up and hair styles, to dress colours and styles browse away!
• Delegate to people you trust, you may have friends and family who would be happy to take the load off you and pick things up, drop things off or follow up with vendors closer to your date.
•  Take time out from planning to enjoy being engaged. This is probably the biggest event you will ever be involved in organising, take time to “smell the roses”.
• If time is short or you are finding it difficult to spend the time requred to plan a wedding consider handing over to an expert. I can recommend Marie of Grace Productions http://www.graceproductions.co.nz/

All of your organisation will pay off dividends with the smooth running of your wedding day and in your enjoyment of one of the most exciting and memorable days of your life!

 All my very best wishes for your wedding day!

In each case we go through the process of applying for a Marriage License when the marrying couple are normally resident outside New Zealand.

Fortunately the process is really very straight forward, the couple must complete a “ Notice of Intended Marriage, where both parties are ordinarily resident outside New Zealand’ (BDM 58) which is available for download  from the Department of Internal Affairs website.

If you are arriving in New Zealand less than three days before your wedding date you will have to complete the form and  send it with the required fee  (this can be by cheque or by including your credit card details with your application)  to the Registry Office closest to where you are getting married before you travel.

The statutory declaration can be completed prior before  a Commonwealth representative  in your home country or left blank and completed in front of a Registrar of Marriages when you pick up your documentation when you arrive in New Zealand.

If you are a New Zealand resident the process is similar but the form is slightly different, couples complete “Notice of Intended Marriage” (BDM 60) at least three days but preferably at least a week before you marry. One of you will need to drop the completed form to your nearest Registry Office and complete the Statutory Declaration in front of a Registrar of Marriages.

When you return to collect the license and two copies of the Particulars of Marriage it pays to check all details are correct as occasionally errors are made. Your licence is valid for three months from the date of issue.

I send couples a reminder when they are within the three month window to apply for their license and will collect all paperwork off you on or before your rehearsal date.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions about this process.

This is a frequently asked question and it is often in the context of “we met with a celebrant and they  charge XYZ how can they justify that?”

For many the perception is a celebrant just turns up on the day, delivers the ceremony and earns a substantial sum for doing so

As stated on my Ask the Celebrant page I charge a reasonable and all inclusive fee. Generally fees for an Auckland wedding can vary widely from between $350 to $800. Costs will be even more if you hire a “celebrity” celebrant. So it begs the question, what do celebrants do to earn their fee?

You and your wedding are my priority during the time we spend working together and I take the time to tailor your ceremony so it is unique and personalised. With that in mind I went through the exercise of breaking that process down into the time I spend on an average Auckland wedding.

Before we get off the ground, there are expenses incurred before I even meet meet with you. I spent the best part of a year training part time and can now proudly display a Certificate of Celebrant Studies, certainly an invaluable addition to my Celebrant tool kit! I am continually training, taking opportunities to attend conferences and mentoring sessions. I like to look good at your ceremony and, as far as possible, I like to fit in with colour scheme and dress code, after all I will be in some of your photos. Therefore maintaining a suitable wardrobe is necessary. Add to that a home office, stationary, maintaining Association membership and building and maintaining a website. Of course advertising on external websites and publications is necessary so you can find me and discover that I am the celebrant for you.

Once you make contact with me we’ll arrange to meet. I spend time answering your emails and getting prepared for our first meeting. Our meeting takes about an hour.

Aprox time spent : 1.5 hr

Hopefully we have a wonderful meeting, we get on well and you are excited by the prospect of working with me. I spend some time after the meeting making notes about what we discussed. The next day you contact me and let me know you’d like me to take the important role of celebrant at your wedding. I send my preliminary information sheet, a contact form for you to complete and an invoice for the deposit. I add your date, venue and ceremony time to my online calendar. Once I receive your deposit I email you a receipt and your homework in the form of my comprehensive resource pack.

Aprox time spent : 1 hr.

In the months before your wedding we have email and phone conversations, answering questions and confirming details. Staying in touch as the ceremony gets closer. I remind you when you are in the three month window to apply for your marriage license, I send you the form and explain the process.

Aprox time spent :  2.5hrs

We meet to go over ideas for the ceremony which have evolved from our conversations and from the resources I have provided. Then it’s time to put it all together. This process is quite time consuming, I put together the ideas we have discussed and there will be questions. I will send drafts back and forth until your personalised ceremony has evolved and we’re both 100% happy with it. Some couples like to meet again during this process to talk through ideas and discuss the process of writing their vows or adapting from samples I have provided.

Aprox time spent : 5hrs

I make a few more edits and corrections and print out my celebrants copy so I can read it through aloud. This is a sure fire way of picking up any grammatical errors or just the odd phrase that doesn’t quite sound right. Changes are made and the celebrants copy is reprinted and trialled again. I print out any readings to keep in the front of my folder to pass to the reader at the appropriate time. I put your license into my specially designed folder along with a piece of parchment and ribbon so I can roll it and hand it to you after signing. I print a copy for you to keep on beautiful paper and put it in a lovely folder. I either post this to you or put the folder in an envelope to hand to you on the day. I spend time practising your ceremony aloud so I am familiar with it and so I can read naturally on the day.

Aprox time spent 3 hrs

I attend your rehearsal, arriving early and spending approximately 45 minutes with you and your party going over the logistics of your day. I meet your venue co-ordinator and discuss cueing the music. We repeat everything at your wet weather venue in case weather dictates that we need it.

Aprox time spent 1 hr plus travel

Your wedding day has arrived at last! I arrive at least half an hour early, often earlier as I allow some time to negotiate any traffic issues. I set up, test the sound system. I catch up with the photographer and videographer to mention any special moments they may like to capture. I touch base with the venue coordinator to ensure they have the order of the ceremony Time to start!

Aprox time spent 1 hr plus travel.

Of course this  is the part your guests see and the hours and energy spent leading up to it are only visible in the smooth running of the ceremony and the relaxed happy smiles of the bridal party.

After your ceremony I stay for a while to congratulate you and say goodbye to your family and I take my leave. The next day I will file paperwork, send you a congratulatory note and post your wedding documents to the Registrar of Births Deaths and Marriages.

Aprox time spent : 1 hr. plus travel

A total of approximately 16 hrs plus travel, it adds up doesn’t it? This will vary slightly depending on how often we meet or catch up on Skype or by email. If divided into an average Celebrant fee the hourly rate for a trained and dedicated professional is relatively modest .

Following this glimpse “behind the scenes” I am sure you will be convinced of the value of engaging a celebrant who is committed to ensuring the most important part of your day is all you hoped it would be. The time, training and expertise that go into crafting your fabulous and unique wedding ceremony is well worth the investment.

Published in My Wedding Guide  http://www.myweddingguide.co.nz/article/125/choosing-a-marriage-celebrant